Monday, February 15, 2016

Something that I am scared of...

So, today my "Journal Entry" is supposed to be "Something you are scared of" - thanks stupid jar.  Fears are the worst things to write about.  WHY?  Because all the while that we are writing about our fears, we are actually keeping them in the forefront of our minds... So, this post might not be very long because I don't really love to dwell on things that I am scared of.

That being said = most of you know me... and I have a few fears that are very typical  - I am afraid of things like Spiders. (Getting much better with this one as time passes, but I still do not prefer the creepy crawly spiders... (SHIVER) - nope - they are not for me at all).  I am afraid of heights, but more like Grand Canyon / Glass Elevator / Standing near the edge of a cliff type of Heights.  I can be in a plane and look down and feel perfectly content with my life... I think that it has something to do with having a barrier or guard rail set up - something that can hold me back from imminent death. (Which makes you wonder how the Grand Canyon got tossed in there.)  So, here's the story...

Young girl - Father wants a great picture of his daughters at the Grand canyon.  So, he takes them out to a jutting edge of a cliff and has them sit out there on a Rock.  Ok - that's pretty cool - and the picture is amazing - but the thought for a 5 year old that she could die if she moves.... well - that's just too much to bear.  SO, I have a deep rooted fear for the Grand Canyon, because someone took me PAST the barriers.  (I need to find that picture - no one will believe it unless they see it).  Thank you 1982!

I have other fears too - things like My children being kidnapped or my children dying in some way... It's a HUGE fear of mine that something is going to happen to my kids.  It does not make me overprotective but it does weigh on me whenever they leave my home or whenever they are out and about.  I worry that it might be the last time that I will see them.  (Death was very prominent around me last year - which just made things a great deal worse on this fear).

I have a fear of abandonment - of being left alone.  A fear of not being accepted - of not being loved.  these fears are totally normal for much of the population - so I am not sure that it counts... but the worry and fear is always there and those things cause me a great deal of anxiety sometimes.

Anyway, that's the topic for the day - something I am scared of... and you now have a list of things that scare me.  I am sure that with my personality you were expecting something like "Clowns" or "the sound of scraping nails on a chalkboard" - but not this chicka.  Just normal scary stuff for me.

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