Ok- so this is not really me... but if you could put a face to my wining rant today, this is what (I personally think) I would look like.
I have a problem (Or so I feel that it's a problem). It's an issue that many married women experience,.., and some get through it while others don't. I am right in the middle - some days I get through it, and other days I would rather sit here and just whine about it.
Apparently, my "Misses" is a boy. A kid? A young "Misses" at heart? I don't know... but the point of it really is that sometimes his emotional level, and attention span, seem to rival that of a 13 year old. Most of the time I am alright with it - I just continue to go on doing the things that I need to do and I work around him. But sometimes, sometimes I wonder exactly what I have gotten myself into.
So, then there come days like today when I just want to sit and whine about it. I feel overwhelmed - I feel like I am doing so many things - (School, work, kids, house cleaning, bills - the list continues). and then I look and see that he has just succeeded in winning another (In my mind) pointless video game. I think to myself, "There are so many things to do around the house - there are so many thing that you could be doing with your time instead of THAT". I think, "Ugh - our vehicles are not registered and he can't take the time to take care of it? Just one more thing that I will have to put on my plate and handle." All the while he is going through a series of emotions about whether or not a level didn't have the right kind of guns or ammo to pick up.
As I hear a string of expletives range from his mouth I question things about my choices. As I move through this life by myself I question my choices. I go to activities alone, I go to church (2/3 of the time) alone, I hang out with friends, alone. I didn't get married to be alone, but the longer that I go the more that it feels that way. I am not always alone - but it just seems that he would rather focus his time, not on building relationships and memories, but winning the next Duke Nukem.
Sometimes, it feels like (When things have to get done) that it's such a chore for him. If he works in the yard for 3 hours, then he will reward himself by doing nothing the rest of the day. He says "It's my day off! I don't want to have to do all of this stuff! I need a break! I need rest and relaxation!" and I think, "Well, 2 hours of R&R should be sufficient" (Mostly because that's all I ever seem to get sometimes - while he's resting, I am finishing up what was left to get done.). I get a sense of satisfaction when things are completed that I do not get otherwise, and yet he seems to be completely opposite.
When he does work, he does a fabulous job - but if he is distracted by games, tv's, movies, or his phone - well - good luck getting anything else done. (at least without a begrudging attitude.)
Now, I know that I am not alone - and this is not to say that he does not help out - or that he doesn't get anything at all done. It's just me whining about the circumstances of THIS particular day. (Ok, and a few others before it.)
Really, the overall issue within this rant is that one line about relationships and how I did not get married to be alone. I see the problem - I see the contributing factors - and I hate them all. Doesn't it sound so needy, though, to say "Hi, sir, you married me... and it would be really nice if this were a partnership where I wasn't alone." It's not that I am not independent - I am. But sometimes it would be so nice to have someone that would want to go and do things - without complaint. (We won't even mention how dreadful bowling is... seriously, it's just a game. No need to jump off of the deep end here.) Anyway, it's not always like this, but some days I am just a serious whiner. I will finish what I need to do and move forward - but it's nice to have a place where I can get my rant out there in the world. Sometimes, that's all that is needed.
